The scarf came in the mail in a huge box of love, from my surrogate daughters age 9 and 8. Crystal (Often called Hope here) thought it was hers of course but I knew better but still called to ask. I love talking to the girls. Always so sweet and well mannered.
So is it hard everyone asks. Of course it is.
The girls call to tell me they miss me. One wants to be missed but that was never something I wanted from them. I thought they would have two amazing parents and would not feel a whole in their lives. They have two amazing parents but they still have a place they feel I should fill and I will try so hard to do so. But what should I do? How can I help? It is complicated and there is no how-to book for this. So I will blog so if any other surrogate is in this situation they can know they are not alone.
My mother left when I was little, this sometimes feels like that and makes me feel so badly for the surrogate daughters. I never intended them to hurt. I wish I could make it better. I am reminded though that no one has a perfect life, that families come in all shapes, and they can thrive in all shapes too. I will try to be what they need from far away. It is hard, but not trying is not an option. They deserve all the love they can get, having two parents is wonderful, having loving family beyond that is wonderful too.