Simply put my house hold does not spank. It is not needed, not healthy, and to me, wrong.
It is not secret though I was raised in a house hold that did spank and I was no stranger to the business end of a belt. This might be why I don’t like wearing them…. LOL Or it might be because I have no fashion sense and dislike restricting clothing. What ever the case is, my parents did the best job they knew how to do with the best of intentions. It didn’t kill me, clearly. Not sure it helped me any though.
The story as to how we became a none spanking home started over 10 years ago and it is a deep story and not one I want to jump into at the moment. Search here though and you will find a lot about it I am sure. It is important to my husband and I that we not spank, and that no one else does either.
This could have been an issue with the Grand Parents! For many of my crunchy parenting friends I know it is an on going issue. I got lucky!
My Parents are different Grand Parents all together!
My Dad and Step Mother are amazing. They have been loving all my life but over the years they have found a peace that is rather amazing to see. They are more peaceful, understanding, and patient than I ever knew to them to be growing up. Importantly, they respect our choice not to spank and even if we did choose to spank I very much think they would refuse to do it anyway!
My Dad has on occasion reminded my husband and I to relax and not be as strict even!
Other Choices when it comes to Discipline!
They have noticed our oldest is changing. She is still amazing but she is a teen now and coming into her own and stubborn and all those other things and goodness it can catch one off guard if they are not expecting it. They are 400 miles away though so trying to help with situations is a bit hard. My advice to my parents is to make her Cinderella when she is rude or not behaving or to ground her for certain objects that are not a right but rather privileges till they can talk it out and come up with a plan to correct the behavior. Being Cinderella is a punishment I admit, but it is the last resort for us. We much rather talk things out and come up with plans of action and work on them together. Not sure how this is working for the Grand parents but they have 2 weeks to figure it out. I am not worried for them!
Alarming News, Meme Spanked them!
On Skype yesterday I was shocked to hear my children say that Meme had spanked my 6 year old and slapped my 2 year old. I was trying to figure out what to do while being utterly disbelieving and confused. Meme got on skype moments later and not knowing the children had told me about what happened she started to tell me. I was patient and waiting to hear both sides. Would I have to drive up there and get them I wondered? I would not let them be hit. I thought my parents and I where on the same page…. but… but…. my heart hurt for them all and the position I was in.
Then Meme told me upset about how MY meme had swatted my 6 year old sons bottom. Keep in mind my Meme is 80lbs and 95 years old and could not hurt a fly. She did try though! She thought she was helping. There is really no explaining to her how we parent differently. -sigh- It was not MEME is was GREAT MEME! My 2 year old had been pulling out all her tissues so Great Meme had swatted her hand as well, not that the baby cared from what Meme told me. My 6 year old though was mortified by the situation. He had been running around entertaining his younger sibling and doing nothing wrong in any one elses mind but great grandmother had another opinion and rather than voice it she hit him. No marks, no pain, just heart hurt and stunned. Poor kid. There is not much to be done about it though really. I asked the kids to stay clear of Great Meme as she does not understand and she does not mean them harm. She really is so sweet and kind and just trying to help in the ways she knows how and I know she did not mean to hurt them but rather to get their attention, that is simply not how we do it though. Poor great Meme, she knows not what she does.
In the end I am still just so aw struct by how my parents have changed from parents to grand parents. I feel like I have so much more to learn from them still and I feel very blessed.